For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
