around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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