I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
