i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
