i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
