Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
