do herpes really smell.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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