You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
