she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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