dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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