jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this just has baby written all over it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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