Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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