Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
