Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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