imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
