I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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