My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
