I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
