just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
