I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
