I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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