He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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