I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
