I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
