'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
