i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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