batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
