conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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