I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
