i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
