Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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