The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
