I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
