Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
