she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
