New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
