3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
