Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
