i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
