he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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