my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
