Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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