i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
