90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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