the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
