3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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