He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
