it hurts more in the daytime
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
