ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
