i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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