So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
