i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
