i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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