you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
