Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
