his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
