seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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