I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
