That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
