the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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