I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
