I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize