I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
