I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
