you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
