i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
