where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
